Hello again from the News Desk here at The Not Fake News!

The past week has been a busy one, with not one but two huge trials in Georgia plus several sentences handed down over conspiracy in the January 6th cases. Doubtless they will occupy the headlines for several months to come, so there’s really no need to mention them here.

However, as usual, this means that there are probably an awful lot of important events folks may have missed thanks to all the hoopla and associated foofraw. That is where we come in.

– India has begun sharing data from their successful lunar probe landing, and has also just launched Aditya-L1, a solar observation mission. The office of the Prime Minister has strenuously denied allegations that the entire nation intends to vanish silently in the night, relocating elsewhere under a new name, so their testimony can safely be employed against Hillary Clinton. However, the country is proceeding with the name change at least, and may in the future be known as “Bharat”.

– The Viking Link has been completed following many long years of construction. Unfortunately, as this turns out to be the world’s longest underwater power cable (running between Denmark and the UK) rather than a new Legend of Zelda game, The Not Fake News correspondent covering the story has no further details to add. In other news, the pottery jar market in the United Kingdom has crashed, releasing absolutely no gems whatsoever.

– Senator “Coach” Tommy Tuberville has gotten in trouble with the civilian secretaries of the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Space Force over his blanket hold on high-level promotions in the U.S. Armed Forces. He contends that the holds will continue until the military becomes less “woke” and complains of poetry being read on aircraft carriers. Top-ranking military officers have said very little on the subject, which makes sense because it would be against the law for them to do so.

– Abortion is now legal in Mexico following a high court decision that invalidates every federal law punishing it. These effects are expected to continue on to a state level. There is still significant resistance to the changes in this highly religious country, and it may well continue, especially as only 12 of more than 30 states have had their own anti-abortion laws struck down. A moderate decrease in illegal emigration to the United States is expected to follow.

– Heavy flooding in the Nevada desert trapped tens of thousands of people at Burning Man this year. Shortages of clean water and provisions were endured largely without complaint, but when the alcohol and pills ran low people began getting desperate, and once the weed ran out thousands ended up walking the six hours back to civilization in order to buy fixings from a single overburdened dealer out back of the gas station. Emergency shipments crossed the border during the night, however, just in time to supply the massive exiting caravan in their hours-long traffic jam.

– Turkish President Erdogan is reportedly pressuring Russia’s Putin into reopening the Black Sea to grain shipments from both Russia and Ukraine. This move comes as Erdogan begins his final term in office, an election win cemented by Putin’s effective endorsement. Turkey remains the only country in NATO that has not adopted sanctions against Russia, a highly profitable move that is even now being leveraged for concessions in natural gas shipments. And who says nobody ever profits from war?

– Prime Minister Borne of France has announced a ban on e-cigarettes in order to help combat that nation’s smoking epidemic. Parliament is also reportedly considering a ban on books in order to fight illiteracy and a ban on Germans in order to make their military immune to surrender. Mass protests in Paris apparently had nothing whatsoever to do with any of this, and evidently were just engaged in out of habit.

– A military coup in Gabon has unseated President and Hereditary Dictator Bongo following his recent election landslide victory, where he polled an unprecedented 350% of all eligible ballots. It is not yet known whether the former president will have committed suicide or, instead, died trying to escape. A representative of the State Department, when asked about our nation’s policy on the matter, responded, “Gabon? Is that a country?”

– In other news, Floods in Greece and Turkey serial killer in Rwanda war in Ukraine and Russia militants killed in Tajikistan shootout in the Khyber Pass massive storm floods Brazil pitched battle in Burkina Faso Birmingham bankrupt FARC and ELN battle in Colombia Banquet recall Syria civil war airstrikes in Khartoum floods in Spain bomb in Myanmar refugee riot in Tel Aviv military exercise in Belarus Poland and Romania report border breaches and it’s too darn hot out by half.

And that’s all the news that’s fit to print plus, as usual, some that isn’t. Questions, comments, or complaints regarding the informational and humorous content of this article should be mailed on the back of a $20 donation to our PayPal address below.

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