Derek Chauvin was found guilty on all counts, but if you have any clue who he is, you know that already. Several other things have happened lately that you might not have noticed, however; the American press is pretty skilled at ignoring the rest of the world. Come right down to it, it’s pretty good at ignoring the obvious stuff that happens here. Keep reading and we’ll tell you more.

If you’ve been paying attention to recent events, you’ll be aware that an ultra-massive container ship ran aground in the Suez Canal the other day and is playing havoc with global shipping. If not, you’ll be interested to learn of it. Either way, here are a few other things that have happened recently that you might have missed.

Note: There’s not much good news, and the humor is ultra-cynical. If you’re having a bad day, you might give this Update a miss.

Well, COVID is still raging, though there’s now a third vaccine approved in the US. Trump showed up at CPAC to wild applause, and whether or not that’s a Nazi rune on the floor, there was actually a golden Trump idol you could get a picture with. Oh, and we’ve got a couple new robots exploring Mars.

All this is true, and it’s news; so far so good. But if you think that’s all the news, you’ve got another think coming. Here’s just a few things that happened over the past couple of weeks that you might have missed.

Trump’s second impeachment is over in record time, and of course they didn’t convict him. The big question is, what did you miss while the big show was playing?

Here at The Not Fake News, we keep track of these things for you so we can bring you these periodic news digests. So sit back, queue up your favorite sea chanteys, and relax while we tell you what really happened.

“Well, it’s Groundhog Day. Again.”
-Bill Murray, “Groundhog Day”

Aside from that, not much really seems to be happening. Except… is there? While the major news networks are full of reports on topics ranging from the erratic entertainment value of the Superbowl to “Uncle Joe’s” flying home for the weekend in the face of COVID lockdowns, isn’t it possible you might have missed an event or two of actual importance?

We at The Not Fake News think so, which is why we bring you these periodic news digests. Buckle in; I promise it’ll be a ride.

What with all the bread and circuses we’re getting out of Washington, D.C. these days, it’s possible you’ve been missing out on a few of the meatier world events that have been happening. Pull up a chair and read on for a bit more protein in your Not Fake News diet.

Happy New Year, and welcome to the first year of the Twenties. May they Roar!

In case you’ve been overwhelmed by headlines and internet trends, here’s a few happenings you may have missed over the past few days. For those of you who have been avoiding all media but this, I’ll mention a couple of recent events that everyone else will recognize. I’m sure they won’t mind.

The election is over, and Biden/Harris made the cover of Time Magazine. COVID deaths are up and vaccines are being approved for rapid distribution. You know all this already; it’s not news. It’s olds.

So here’s a few things you might not have known:

If you’ve spent the past week breathlessly watching the presidential election and subsequent vote-counting, you’ve probably suffocated. It’s important to remember to breathe.

And yes, they’re still counting votes in Nevada. That’s because it’s Las Vegas. They really want you to tremble with anticip—

The Presidential race is in its last days, with an actual civil debate for once, and COVID-19 is raging again across the country as the population begins to reject those precautions that have heretofore kept the disease at manageable levels.

But you already know all this; you couldn’t have missed it. So here’s some things you might not have known about — until now.