And, because we’ve already “broken the seal”, as Brittany might say, here’s The Not Fake News Update for 12 January 2020 — a Sunday, no less.

All the things you haven’t heard about:

– Protests in Haiti are starting up again after the holidays. You might not have heard about them before the holidays; that’s because they’ve been going on for years. I blame the United States, and specifically Bill Clinton.

– Australian bushfires continue, just like they always do this time of year only more so. The Australian P.M., however, has started to admit the fault of the government, which could and should have done more to reduce the impact this time around. Short version: Yes it’s climate change; no, it’s not all about global warming. It’s complicated, and people made it worse.

– Iran admits they shot down a Ukrainian passenger airliner during the recent crisis. This means some hapless schmuck that flipped the wrong switch is about to be executed. Meanwhile, there’s mass protests in Iran, Iranian brownshirts killing protestors, and CNN is blaming Donald Trump and calling him a Fascist.

– In Iraq, Ahmed Abdulsamad, journalist from Basra, was killed today three hours after posting a video accusing the militias of arresting journalists for covering the Iraq protests you’ve never heard about. To be specific, they’re protesting government corruption and Iranian interventionism. Meanwhile, the parliament continues to pass anti-US resolutions.

– India has now passed one month of protests, brutally cracked down upon by government forces, about some seriously nasty discriminatory citizenship laws. For some reason nobody outside India seems to care.

– Meanwhile, in France, teachers, nurses, and pretty much everyone else has joined the longest transit strike in their history over the rise in government pensions not being enough. You may recall this round of protests was sparked (heh) by a student self-immolating over too small a government stipend.

– Brexit passed. There’s almost zero media attention. Instead, everyone’s traumatized about Royal gossip, and Epstein is still dead. I’m not going to lower myself far enough to mention Ricky Gervais.

– In Spain, a left-wing coalition government has peaceably ascended to power for the first time ever. The Catalan separatist movement is, for some reason, stuck in the courts rather than marching in the streets. Meanwhile, Generalissimo Fernando Franco is also still dead, but unlike Epstein, he’s not trending.