“Those who fail to learn from the brutal stompings visited on them in the past are doomed to be brutally stomped in the future.”
– Raoul Duke, Christmas Eve 1972

Late last night, while I was engaged in my regular sacrifices and oblations the Great White Porcelain God Whose Name Is Ralph came a pounding on the door at the damnedest moment imaginable. They broke in, and my feeble gestures of resistance notwithstanding, they did their evil deeds and left. Imagine my shock when I recovered myself enough to stagger into the living room only to discover six cases of beer, an IBM Selectric, a recently reconnected Mojo Wire, and enough speed to charge a rhino. The Editorial Enforcement Division had visited again and caught me at a weak moment. I might have said with my pants down, but that would be an abuse of the metaphor. I’m the one being abused and I don’t want to detract from that point, so I’ll avoid the figure of speech and just get right to it.