The Not Fake News Update, 10 April 2020

You’d think when there’s a contagion going around there’d be less happening.  And yet — and yet –!

Here’s all the news you might have missed thanks to the continual yammering about the present ongoing plague and associated quarantine:

– Major League Baseball is considering running an abbreviated season in two states, using spring training fields.  The Grapefruit League would compete against the Cactus League, and the players would be quarantining together.  Given the size of their paychecks and just how bored a lot of people are, I’ve got no objection.

– A ceasefire has taken effect between Saudi Arabia and Yemeni rebels.  After five years of civil war, the UN has managed to convince all parties to stop shooting at each other, at least while there’s a plague on.

– So as not to be left out, the Congo reported a new Ebola case the other day.  In the past two years, over 2200 have died from the most recent outbreak.  Presumably, social distancing will protect us if it crosses borders again.

– A rocket attack struck Bagram Airfield in Afghanistan yesterday, apparently targeting American military forces.  No injuries; ISIS claimed responsibility.  Apparently, the most recent cease fire is holding between the U.S. and the Taliban, and some six thousand prisoners are scheduled for release over the next few days.

– Protestors in the Ivory Coast swarmed, ransacked, and demolished a half-finished COVID-19 research facility out of fears that they would spread the virus through the local population.  Subsequently, large numbers of police violated social distancing protocols.

– Comet ATLAS, presently inbound and soon to be visible to the naked eye, suffered a major fragmentation event.  It has fractured into ten distinct segments, all orbiting itself in a slowly expanding cloud.  There’s evidence to suggest that this is also a piece of the Great Comet of 1844, but rather more that implies that, if it survives this pass, it won’t return for another six thousand years.

– The last Dragon 1 mission has ended with a safe splashdown.  SpaceX has now sent twenty missions to resupply the International Space Station.  Future missions will use the Dragon 2 capsule, otherwise known as the DragonRider in reference to its crew capacity.  The first manned test launch is scheduled to begin on May 16th.

– Bernie Sanders has ended his presidential campaign.  Biden supporters are gloating; so are Trump supporters.  We’re endorsing Vermin Supreme.

– As if that weren’t enough, Krakatoa just erupted.  You’ll be seeing a lot of reports about this; they’re misleading.  Krakatoa is a caldera; the volcano that erupted most recently is one formed after the 1883 Big Bang, and it’s been pretty active for a couple decades now.  So this is nothing new.  The thing to be worried about is less that it’s blowing now but rather if it’s ever silent for a couple of years… building up pressure…

– Epstein is still dead.  Sunday is Easter; if he reappears, I’m going with conspiracy rather than religion.

And that’s the news, today, 10 April 2020. Stay safe, stay at home, and stay away from me. I will still accept your money, however; please use the link below.

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