Joe Biden

Sports Desk: You’re ALL Dumbasses, Sport

“Those who fail to learn from the brutal stompings visited on them in the past are doomed to be brutally stomped in the future.”
– Raoul Duke, Christmas Eve 1972

Late last night, while I was engaged in my regular sacrifices and oblations the Great White Porcelain God Whose Name Is Ralph came a pounding on the door at the damnedest moment imaginable. They broke in, and my feeble gestures of resistance notwithstanding, they did their evil deeds and left. Imagine my shock when I recovered myself enough to stagger into the living room only to discover six cases of beer, an IBM Selectric, a recently reconnected Mojo Wire, and enough speed to charge a rhino. The Editorial Enforcement Division had visited again and caught me at a weak moment. I might have said with my pants down, but that would be an abuse of the metaphor. I’m the one being abused and I don’t want to detract from that point, so I’ll avoid the figure of speech and just get right to it.

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The Stolen Secretary Matter

Report, by special investigator Johnny Dollar, to the office of the Transition Administrator, Washington, D.C.
The following is an account of expenses incurred in the Stolen Secretary Matter.

It was half past one on a rainy Thanksgiving morning, and I’d been rudely awakened by an urgent telephone message. “We need your help,” they said, and when my country calls I’m there.

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Sports Desk: Did Biden Steal The Election?

Opinion

It’s complicated. You want simple answers, go find yourself a simple world to live in and grow sunflowers. The real world ain’t simple, and in the real world the answer is both “Yes” and “No”. My take on it, for what that’s worth, is: Uncle Joe stole the election, sure, but he stole it fair and square.

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F&L 2020: Is Uncle Joe Senile?

Opinion

Let’s face it:  As long as Uncle Joe has been campaigning, his foot’s been in his mouth as often as not.  Heck, given his repeated plagiarism, sometimes it’s someone else’s foot.  …Or is that him being creepy?  I lose track.  But that’s O.K., I guess, because so does he.

In any other campaign season, the candidates would need to be out on the road (more…)

The 2020 Primaries: A Guidebook

They’re starting early.  And there’s so darned many, it’s getting very hard to keep track without a cheat sheet.  So, here’s my cheat sheet.  Use and enjoy!

Incidentally:  These judgments are partly subjective, so please tell us your own thoughts.

(Unlike Fox, MSNBC, and CNN, I’ll admit I’m biased. (more…)

Arming Teachers: Pros And Cons

One week ago, the House passed a bill designed to prevent school violence, one that would fund programs ranging from increased security to suicide prevention and safety education.  Conspicuously absent from this bill was any provision to arm teachers; there’s a lot of discussion about that, with opinions predictably divided along partisan lines.

As with any other contentious issue, however, it’s not that simple — certainly not as simple as Democrat versus Republican. (more…)