Author: Gnerphk

I am The Gnerphk, writer extraordinaire, opinionated, radical, and extremely humble by nature.

Dateline: Connellsville, PA

It’s lovely winding down through the Cumberland Gap in the wee hours, and when the train’s slightly behind schedule you might be fortunate enough to have the sun coming up as you do.  Some of the best sunrises in the world can be found here, overlooking the narrow stream from halfway up the side of one of the adjoining ridges.  The sun sparkles off the icy waterfalls coming down the sheer rockface; it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen, a view reserved exclusively for us.

Another of the fellows in the Lounge likes the sunrise in Jamaica, and who am I to argue?  After all, he’s been there and I haven’t.  We’ve been up half the night talking food trucks and pizza and native (more…)

Why We Fear Iran

The United States has the most powerful conventional military in the world by a factor of three; measured in terms of effectiveness, five.  We have state-of-the-art aircraft carriers, missile platforms, AEGIS anti-missile systems, and the M1 Abrams main line battle tank.  We’ve got stealth fighters, Hellfire-equipped drones, and some of the best-trained and best-equipped ground troops in the business.

So why exactly would we be worried about taking on Iran, a nation whose navy consists of speedboats with machine guns, whose air force dates from the 1970s, and whose top-performing battle tank is a slightly up-armored Russian T-72?  Their infrastructure is sub-par; their command-and-control systems have little to no redundancy, and their government is wildly unpopular (more…)

Pizano’s Pizza, Chicago

They tell me you can’t go to Chicago and not try the deep dish pizza.  Well, you know me; I’ll gladly go the extra mile for the cause of enlightenment.  Actually, with half a dozen locations, I only had to travel six tenths of a mile to get to the nearest Pizano’s, which is on upper State Street (stay out of the Loop if you can, people).

So walking in the front door was an adventure in itself; (more…)

Chicago Is Uber Corrupt

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Dateline: Chicago 06 Jan 2020
Byline: The Not Fake News, Actual
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The fix is in, boys and girls.  Chicago is as crooked as always.  I know, I know; that’s not actually news.  But it’s what I’ve got, so read it and shaddap.

It’s dead on the downtown Chicago streets today.  The weather’s turned off nice and there’s a few people walking, but the normal traffic is… well, it’s downtown Chicago, so the traffic is deadly.  Pedestrians, look both ways crossing one-way streets, and don’t jaywalk (more…)

The Not Fake News Update, 04 Jan 20

It’s the Not Fake News Update, 04 January 2020:
More Things You May Have Missed.
I’m your Not Fake News reporter, and this…. is 2020.  (I’ve been waiting all year to say that.)

– In retaliation for multiple attacks on Americans, a U.S. drone strike killed an Iranian general and (arguably) terrorist. In reply, Iran shouts “Death To America” again — but this time they might mean it.

– Australian bushfire season has passed the acreage burned last year by 27%, and there’s still months yet to go. On the plus side, the land already burned (more…)

In RE Iran: “We Killed Yamamoto”

“Fellas, this guy is going to stand trial in a U.S. court, and if we have to stick heroin on his plane to get him there, that’s what we’re going to do.”
– President Jed Bartlet, The West Wing

Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto was Japan’s top naval commander-in-chief.  A brilliant strategist, a masterful tactician, and a genius at logistics, Yamamoto masterminded Pearl Harbor and had operated the Japanese attack fleet against the Allies in such a way that their materiel disadvantage was more than compensated for by his audacity.

In 1942, the American SIS broke the Japanese naval code (more…)

Dateline: Harper’s Ferry

It’s a curious thing about this nation’s passenger rail network.

I mean to say, apart from that we have one in the first place.  This appears to surprise a lot of people.  “Chicago?  When do you fly out?” they ask, confident in the familiar ritualized response of airline and time and ticket class.  When I say I’m taking the Capitol Limited, they’re at a complete loss.  I must clarify:  Amtrak.  A passenger train.

Yes, Virginia, we still have passenger trains. (more…)

Dateline: Cumberland Gap

More updates from the road, as your Not Fake News action correspondent continues his travels.  For research purposes only, of course.

One of the things I love most about traveling by train is the completely different attitude by passengers.  I’ve seen fights break out over who gets which taxi, whether people have the right to lay their seats back on a plane, or who let out that legendarily nasty (more…)