humor

The End Of Our Democracy

“This is no joke!” she says. “We need to focus on keeping a democracy for anybody to be president in the next couple of years. That’s my central focus, is helping the people of this country right now.”

Yes, you heard it right, folks. She thinks our democracy is coming to an end, but the power of her seat in Congress might just be enough to stem the tide of history and give her a chance to prevent total and complete obliteration. If, that is, we vote for her. If we donate money. Lots and lots of money.

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Babylon Not To Bee

EDITORIAL / ANALYSIS

About big-tech censorship: There’s a time and a place.

Where and when, though — that’s where the debate begins.

And well it should. This is an important topic — quite possibly the important topic, leaving wars and plagues aside. Wars of one sort or the other are always with us, and so too are plagues; the difference is, we’ve never been able to live-stream them before.

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Bribery: A-O.K.

(Editor’s Note:  The entire editorial staff is far too wasted from our staff V-Day party right now to do any actual editing.  I’m the last man standing and I don’t get paid overtime, so to hell with it.  I’m just going to put this out as-is, with the notes from the Legal Department tipped in.  They should know what they’re doing; otherwise we’re paying them too damn much.  -JW)

Happy Valentine’s Day, Big Oil!  You can now pay bribes again!

I want to start off right now by saying that I’m not against bribes at all.  In fact, I’m so pro-bribe I’ll make it easy for you:  Just send me your money and I’ll accept it with a clean conscience.  I don’t care if you’re Big Oil, Big Tobacco, Big Shampoo, or the Illinois Nazis Peace Through World Conquest Foundation —  I’ll take your money, cash your check, and smile the whole time.

Corruption is a time-honored tradition, and it’s as American as apple pie. (more…)