(Editor’s Note: The entire editorial staff is far too wasted from our staff V-Day party right now to do any actual editing. I’m the last man standing and I don’t get paid overtime, so to hell with it. I’m just going to put this out as-is, with the notes from the Legal Department tipped in. They should know what they’re doing; otherwise we’re paying them too damn much. -JW)
Happy Valentine’s Day, Big Oil! You can now pay bribes again!
I want to start off right now by saying that I’m not against bribes at all. In fact, I’m so pro-bribe I’ll make it easy for you: Just send me your money and I’ll accept it with a clean conscience. I don’t care if you’re Big Oil, Big Tobacco, Big Shampoo, or the Illinois Nazis Peace Through World Conquest Foundation — I’ll take your money, cash your check, and smile the whole time.
Corruption is a time-honored tradition, and it’s as American as apple pie. (more…)