spider jerusalem

Bribery: A-O.K.

(Editor’s Note:  The entire editorial staff is far too wasted from our staff V-Day party right now to do any actual editing.  I’m the last man standing and I don’t get paid overtime, so to hell with it.  I’m just going to put this out as-is, with the notes from the Legal Department tipped in.  They should know what they’re doing; otherwise we’re paying them too damn much.  -JW)

Happy Valentine’s Day, Big Oil!  You can now pay bribes again!

I want to start off right now by saying that I’m not against bribes at all.  In fact, I’m so pro-bribe I’ll make it easy for you:  Just send me your money and I’ll accept it with a clean conscience.  I don’t care if you’re Big Oil, Big Tobacco, Big Shampoo, or the Illinois Nazis Peace Through World Conquest Foundation —  I’ll take your money, cash your check, and smile the whole time.

Corruption is a time-honored tradition, and it’s as American as apple pie. (more…)

Requiem For An Unbiased Press

“Objective journalism is one of the main reasons American politics has been allowed to be so corrupt for so long. You can’t be objective about Nixon.”
– Hunter S. Thompson, interview, Atlantic Monthly 09/97

“So much for Objective Journalism. Don’t bother to look for it here — not under any byline of mine; or anyone else I can think of. With the possible exception of things like box scores, race results, and stock market tabulations, there is no such thing as Objective Journalism. The phrase itself is a pompous contradiction in terms.”
(from “On The Campaign Trail”)

Once again, the Press has become the story. (more…)

I Am Not Spider Jerusalem

Those who know Spider Jerusalem already know this, and those who don’t know him could care less.  Too many of you don’t know him.

Twenty years ago there was a new comic book out under one of DC’s fringe labels — yeah, Vertigo.  “Transmetropolitan”.  Warren Ellis, Darick Robertson.  I stole their art.  I don’t get paid for this; they can sue me.  Either way:  Read.  It.  Read it now.  Go out and buy it and read it.

It was some serious brain-twisting, a mess, a work of paranoid comic genius that showed a horrifyingly plausible (more…)

What’s Behind Conway’s Aleppo Moment?

We’ve heard the jokes; we’ve seen the memes.  Kellyanne Conway is now a national laughing stock.  Which happens, so big whoop, right?

For those few of you who may have missed this story, CNN published the best account I can find — not snarky, not snotty at all, which is worthy of note as they tend to give Conway a hard time whenever they can.

If you don’t (more…)

I Don’t Think We’re Invading Iran Today

I’ll admit, for a few minutes yesterday, I was getting very worried about whether or not we were about to go conquer Iran.

Bear in mind, if we ever do go in, it’ll probably be a Friday afternoon (more…)

So About These Australian Refugees

I don’t know about you, but when I woke up to discover that we’re having a refugee problem with Australia, it made my brain hurt for a bit.  I mean, I know they’ve got this cane toad problem, and some of the most poisonous nasty creatures on earth live there — I mean, spiders and snakes, sure, but a snail?  A deadly stinging tree?  Gina Rinehart, for God’s sake?! — but that’s no reason to flee the country.  Or maybe it is; I don’t know.  I’ve never met the woman. (more…)

Travel Ban — Justified?!

Warning:  Not for the sensitive.  Stop reading right now if you’re not a jaded cynic; there’s no shame in it.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’re aware of the chaos caused by the recent seven-country immigration ban.  Of particular interest to those pillars of rectitude, the unbiased press, was a picture of a five-year-old in handcuffs.  Which, while indeed horrific, was only one of many stories told about the events (more…)

Make America Good For Once

I owe an explanation to my loyal readers:  I’m not going Democrat or Republican, and I’m not suddenly anti-Trump any more than I am anti-Clinton.

The reason I’m here, saying the things I’m saying, is that nobody else seems to be doing it.  CNN and Fox News have stopped reporting what is and are each now spinning absurd fictions — not, I think, because they want to sway our opinions, but because they honestly can’t come to grips with the actual truth long enough to put it into words.

And the horrifying truth is, we’re all terrified and angry and disgusted because President Donald Trump is keeping his campaign promises (more…)

I Hate This Place: Revisiting Refugees, Pros and Cons

“I Hate This Place”
-Spider Jerusalem

“All government, in its essence, is a conspiracy… One of its primary functions is to regiment men by force, to make them as much alike as possible and as dependent upon one another as possible, to search out and combat originality among them. All it can see in an original idea is potential change, and hence an invasion of its prerogatives.

The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out for himself, without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos.  Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane and intolerable…”
-H.L. Mencken, “The Smart Set” (more…)

On Ruling The Cycle

Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time, there was a candidate for president who was doing daily interviews and talk shows, doing his level best to get his message out and to snag any publicity he could manage.  His numbers were rising after a long slump, and he’d just gotten some good press from an over-the-top (more…)